I don't have the answer to that question. Like you, I'm searching for words and actions to comfort others and to quiet my own aching heart. The wisdom of Kahlil Gibran speaks to me as I read the words of "The Prophet". He writes:
"Then a woman said, speak to us of joy and sorrow. And he answered: Your joy is your sorrow unmasked. And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears........some of you say "joy is greater than sorrow," and others say, "Nay, sorrow is the greater." But I say unto you, they are inseparable. Together they come, and when one sits alone with you at your board, remember that the other is asleep upon your bed." Verily you are suspended like scales between your sorrow and your joy."